When Time Stands Still
I know I have dedicated this blog to my writing and, more specifically my book that is under contract for publication, The Lady Bornekova. But something fairly big has happened in my family’s life in this past week that I’d like to share.
My sweet 15 month old son, Aiden began to have some breathing issues earlier this week. At first, he was just congested with a very slight fever and a little grumpy…no big deal, he has teeth coming in. Then he stopped wanting to eat. Again, not so out-of-the ordinary for a young child who is, in fact, not feeling well. But then one evening at dinner, he was having marked difficulty breathing. We put him to bed, hoping it was just his congestion. But when he woke up an hour later, it was apparent there was something really wrong. His breathing was shallow and rapid. His heart rate was really fast.
So, we took him to the ER. They put him on oxygen immediately because of his oxygen saturation levels and breathing rate. Then they gave him albuteral (a medication for asthma) and steriods. No change. Oh no. We’re dealing with something a little bigger here. So a couple of days, a few tests, and several doctors later, we are in the critical care unit and he is hook up to continuous oxygen flow at a pretty high rate. And the cause? The Rhino Virus. Some of you may know what that is. For those of you that don’t…that’s the common cold. The virus has gotten into his lungs and had one heck of a party. It set up camp and turned into viral bronchiolitis (do not read bronchitis there…different story). That party has left his lungs pretty debilitated and unable to process oxygen the way they should. We will be here in the hospital until he can safely come off of the oxygen. When will that be? Could be another 24 hours, could be three weeks…it all depends on how his little body fares against this opposing viral infection. Once his body is able to fight it off, they can decrease the oxygen safely and we can go home. Well, let’s hurry it along, doc…give him something. Nope. No such luck. There is nothing they can give him that will make the slightest bit of difference. We are here to keep him safe (on oxygen) and alive while his body does it’s work. So, we are in a holding pattern. It is as if time is standing still.
And where does that leave me? The same place it leaves all the doctors in the world on this problem…helpless except to keep him safe and comfortable. Nothing in medicine can cure this. It is in God’s hands. I have spent the last couple of days struggling to trust in the face of this. Until last night, I was about 48+ hours with no more than 10 minute snippets of sleep here and there. My husband was out-of-town when all of this happened. And I was emotionally drained before it even began. So, I was angry at God almost from the get-go because this didn’t seem like a fair plan. Why all these circumstances to come down on me at once? Oh, did I mention we are also on vacation? So, we’re not even at home! What did I ever do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then why is God punishing me? He’s not. He’s absolutely not. He is teaching me. Teaching me about trust, about faith, about standing on my own two feet with His strength alone to support my well-being. He is showing me that I can do this without my husband. But He is also showing me that I am never alone. He is with me, but He has also brought me people who love and support me through this any way they can.
It’s been scary. I’ve cried. I’ve cried at God. I’ve cried with God. But I know beyond knowing that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him… (Romans 8:28). Yesterday I was barely able to put two sentences of prayer together I was so emotionally drained, angry, tired…you name it. Today, I have such sweet peace in Him.
I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed tot he Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Fear the Lord, you His godly people, for those who fear Him will have all they need. Psalm 34:1-4, 6, 8-9 (NLT)