As you know, this blog has become so much about the things that I have had to overcome in my life. And there have been so many, I have found, who can relate. Those who have encountered similar struggles with depression, grief, children who don’t “fit the profile”, and the like.
Well, what happens when you realize that YOU are the one holding yourself back? That’s what I want to explore a bit today. Because I have found that I can be my own biggest obstacle. And what an insurmountable obstacle I can be!
How did I come to this great epiphany? That is a good question. I have, for some time, had the suspicion that my very loving husband and encouraging friends, who became a vital support network in my recovery (from depression) process, had become more than a net to catch me. That I had, well, over-used that “net” and it was becoming more of a hammock, if you will. Especially my husband.
One might call that co-dependancy.
Then, the opportunity for me to go to a writers conference in the mountains came. This is a conference I have had my eye on for a few years now and it just hasn’t worked out. This year it did…but there was one catch: neither my husband nor my usual “conference buddy” could go with me. I would have to go alone.
Well, that’s a little intimidating.
No worries, I thought. I got this.
And to prove it, I’ll make it an extended vacation – I’ll visit family in that part of the country and even sightsee before returning home.
So, now that the reservations are made and paid for, the family arrangements made, and the sightseeing adventures booked and cancellation dates passed, I have realized what I have done.
Can I really do this?
Like, without someone there to be with me?
As it turns out…yes. The conference is half over and I am doing well. I do miss my kids and husband, and am tired, but I am actually excited about my mini-vacation after the conference.
It’s taken the better part of this first half of the conference for me to step out of my own way and make myself see that I can do this AND enjoy it. Without a friend-parachute. Relying on my own devices. Networking all on my own.
It just took this push…a driving reason to get me out of my comfort zone, and I found that this baby bird could fly. If I just trusted my wings.
What have you done lately that you just needed to get over yourself to do?